Biblical Marriage: Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones's Exposition of Ephesians 5:22-33
In a society where marriage is increasingly viewed as a temporary arrangement based on feelings and convenience, Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones's sermons on Christian marriage offer a profound alternative—a vision of marriage grounded in biblical truth and reflecting the relationship between Christ and His church.
The Uniqueness of Christian Marriage
What makes the Christian view of marriage different from all other perspectives? According to Dr. Lloyd-Jones, the distinction is fundamental and comprehensive:
"The Christian view of marriage is a unique view. It is a view that is entirely different from every other view. It is a view that you only find in the Bible."
Unlike the common view that sees marriage primarily as a physical relationship or a human arrangement evolved through social development, the biblical understanding recognizes marriage as God's divine ordinance—something He designed and established for our good and His glory.
Lloyd-Jones observes that many marriages struggle precisely because they lack this foundational understanding:
"The wonder is not that there are so many divorces, but that there are not many more. Isn't it an amazing and astounding thing that in the absence of thought and with the wrong thinking, that marriages hold even as they do?"
Marriage Reflecting God's Design
At the heart of Dr. Lloyd-Jones's teaching on marriage is the recognition that it reflects God's created order. He carefully explains that the roles of husband and wife were established before sin entered the world:
"Man was created first, not the woman... Woman was made out of the men, taken out of the men, and meant to be a help for men."
This created order doesn't imply inferiority but complementarity—each partner fulfilling unique roles in a harmonious relationship. As Lloyd-Jones emphasizes:
"To be subject to her husband does not mean that she is the slave of her husband. It doesn't mean that she's inferior to her husband as such... What he does prohibit is that a woman should seek to be manly, or that a woman should seek to behave as a man, or that a woman should seek to usurp the place and the position and the power which have been given to men by God himself."
The Transforming Power of Love
The centerpiece of Dr. Lloyd-Jones's teaching on marriage is his exposition of the command: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it." This simple command elevates marriage to its highest expression.
Lloyd-Jones distinguishes between three types of love found in the New Testament: - Eros: physical desire (often selfish) - Phileo: fondness and companionship - Agape: God's self-giving, sacrificial love
It's this third type—agape love—that transforms Christian marriage:
"The great characteristic of this, and this is where it's essentially different from the others, is that this is not so much governed by desire and to have as to give. God so loved the world. How? That he gave."
This love prevents the husband's leadership from becoming tyranny:
"You are the head, you are the leader. You are, as it were, the Lord in this relationship. Yes, but because you love your wives, the leadership will never become a tyranny."
The Mystery of Marriage
Perhaps the most profound aspect of Lloyd-Jones's teaching on marriage is his explanation of how it reveals "a great mystery"—the relationship between Christ and the church. This mystery gives marriage its deepest meaning and highest purpose.
Just as Christ loved the church despite her unworthiness and imperfections, so husbands are called to love their wives. Lloyd-Jones explains that Christ:
"Loved her in spite of her unworthiness. He loved her in spite of her deficiencies... He loved us not because of anything in us. He loved us in spite of it while we were yet sinners."
This understanding transforms how husbands view their wives—not focusing on flaws but seeing potential and beauty, just as Christ sees His church.
The Practical Impact of Biblical Marriage
Dr. Lloyd-Jones never presents marriage as merely theoretical doctrine. He consistently shows how right understanding leads to right living:
"I have met, I have known Christian people who very honestly, because of this wrong view of sex and of that which is natural even in the life of the Christian, have more or less come to this conclusion that any Christian man can marry any Christian woman."
Against such errors, Lloyd-Jones affirms that while spiritual compatibility is essential, natural attraction and affinity remain important. The Christian faith doesn't eliminate human nature but sanctifies it.
He also addresses practical challenges when one spouse has greater abilities than the other:
"I think one of the most wonderful things I've ever been privileged to witness in my life was just that very thing... The wife was an exceptionally able and brilliant woman. The husband was not without his gifts... But from sheer intellectual ability, there was no comparison."
Yet this wife beautifully exemplified biblical submission—not by diminishing her gifts but by using them to strengthen her husband's leadership. This real-life example demonstrates how biblical principles create harmony rather than resentment.
Why This Teaching Matters Today
Dr. Lloyd-Jones argues that the breakdown in marriages and families is directly connected to the rejection of biblical teaching:
"It is the failure to understand and to implement this very teaching that is causing most of the problems in the world today. What is the basic problem in the world today? It is the problem of authority."
The consequences extend far beyond individual homes:
"The appalling increase in divorce which has taken place since the war is due to one thing only, that men and women don't understand this scriptural teaching about marriage and about husbands and wives."
These breakdowns lead to further social problems:
"It is also the explanation of the unrulyness and the indiscipline amongst children. It is the main explanation of juvenile delinquency... These poor children who become delinquents are almost invariably the children of broken homes, broken marriages."
Rediscovering God's Design
For couples seeking to build strong marriages, Dr. Lloyd-Jones offers this foundation: submit everything to the Lord first.
"Before we are concerned about the merits of these two people, both of them must submit themselves unto the Lord, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ. So you see, you both do that. You're having your argument on your knees."
This approach transforms even disagreements into opportunities for spiritual growth.
The ultimate goal is not merely harmonious relationships but reflecting Christ to a watching world:
"Never, perhaps, have we as Christian people had a greater opportunity of showing what Christianity really means than just at this present time, when the life of the world is becoming more and more obvious for what it is, when it is becoming increasingly chaotic in this married respect and marriage relationship, and in every other respect, here is a glorious opportunity for us to show the difference it makes to be a Christian."
Explore These Life-Changing Sermons
Dr. Lloyd-Jones's sermons on Christian marriage represent some of his most practical and profound teaching. They offer couples biblical wisdom that transcends cultural trends and personal opinions.
Whether you're preparing for marriage, seeking to strengthen your relationship, or helping others build God-honoring homes, these messages provide timeless guidance rooted in Scripture and illuminated by the Holy Spirit.