The Husband's Duties
"Husbands, love your wives" - A Sermon from Ephesians 5:25-33
Originally preached March 27, 1960
Scripture
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or …
Sermon Description
What is the duty of a Christian husband? The duty of the husband in the Christian marriage is to build up his wife in the love of Christ. In this sermon on the command “husbands, love your wives” from Ephesians 5:25–33, Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones confronts the fact that many Christians never think through the nature of a Christian marriage. Instead they simply adopt whatever is popular in culture at the time. The apostle Paul gives a conception of marriage that is understood in the beautiful metaphor of Christ and His church. From this is seen that the husband’s duties in the marriage is one of great significance and importance. As the head of his wife, the husband is to imitate Christ in His love of the church. There is a high calling, for this is a great privilege and responsibility for the husband. The husband is to live with his wife as his other half, not simply another relationship in his life. This is completely unique to the marriage relationship and demands the highest priority and care. It is the husband’s responsibility to put his wife above all others and to lead her in love and a spirit of gentleness. He is to help her love God and Christ Jesus more by having loving care and leadership in the marriage.
Sermon Breakdown
- The secret of success in marriage and the Christian life is to think and understand. Nothing happens automatically.
- As Christians, our conception of marriage must be positive. We must always be striving for the ideal of Christ and the church.
- The real cause of failure in marriage is self and selfishness. Submitting to one another in reverence for Christ is the solution.
- The husband must realize his wife is part of himself. He can't think or desire in isolation from her.
- The husband's thinking must include his wife. He can't think of himself alone.
- The husband must have no desires for himself alone. His wife is involved in all his desires.
- The husband must never be selfish. He must remind himself his wife is part of him.
- The husband's wife is not just his partner but his other half. She is his "better half."
- The husband must treat his wife as his own body. He nourishes and cherishes her as he does his own body.
- The husband must not abuse, neglect, or take his wife for granted. He nourishes and cherishes her.
- To nourish means to provide food, diet, and sustenance for growth and development. The husband considers what strengthens and pleases his wife.
- To cherish means to exercise, talk with, and protect. The husband brings his wife into his life and protects her weaknesses.
- If trials or illness come, the husband cares for his wife as he would his own body. He builds her up and aids her recovery.
Sermon Q&A
Questions and Answers from Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' Sermon on Marriage
What does Dr. Lloyd-Jones say is the true biblical model for marriage?
According to Dr. Lloyd-Jones, the true biblical model for marriage is the relationship between Christ and the church. He emphasizes that Christian marriage is fundamentally different from non-Christian marriage because it is patterned after this divine relationship. The apostle Paul teaches that "we can only truly understand the relationship of husband and wife as we understand that great doctrine of Christ and the church." This lifts marriage to an "ideal position" that is "not possible anywhere else at all."
Why does Dr. Lloyd-Jones say that most marriage problems stem from selfishness?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones identifies self and selfishness as "the greatest disrupting forces in the world." He explains that when two autonomous selves each want everything for themselves, a clash is inevitable. The biblical teaching is designed to show us how to avoid these calamities by emphasizing that in marriage, the two become one flesh. When a husband or wife thinks of themselves in isolation or detachment from their spouse, they break the fundamental conception of marriage, which is unity.
How should a Christian husband view his wife according to Ephesians 5?
According to Ephesians 5, a Christian husband should view his wife as part of himself—as his own body. Dr. Lloyd-Jones explains: "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies" means not "as he loves his body" but "because they are their own bodies." He emphasizes that the wife is not merely a partner but is actually part of the husband, like Eve was taken from Adam's side. The husband should understand that "he cannot detach himself from his Wife. You can't detach yourself from your body, so you can't detach yourself from your wife."
What are the three general principles about marriage that Dr. Lloyd-Jones identifies?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones identifies three general principles about marriage: 1. "The secret of success is to think and to understand" - marriage doesn't work automatically; Christians must apply their minds to understanding marriage. 2. "Our conception of marriage must be positive" - Christian marriage is not just regular marriage with Christians involved, but something essentially different that conforms to the heavenly pattern. 3. "The real cause of failure ultimately in marriage always is self" - selfishness in its various manifestations leads to clashes and problems in marriage.
How does Dr. Lloyd-Jones explain what it means to "nourish and cherish" one's wife?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones uses the analogy of how a man cares for his own body to explain how he should nourish and cherish his wife: 1. Diet/Food: Just as a man thinks about what nourishes his body, he should think about what strengthens his wife and gives her pleasure. 2. Exercise: Just as the body needs exercise, the marriage relationship needs activity like conversation—bringing her into his life and consulting her. 3. Protection: Just as a man protects his body against weakness and illness, he should protect his wife against her particular vulnerabilities or weaknesses. 4. Building resistance: Just as one builds bodily resistance to illness, a husband should build up his wife to face life's hazards.
What does Dr. Lloyd-Jones say about husbands neglecting their wives?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones strongly condemns neglect of wives, saying it causes tremendous problems in marriages. He criticizes husbands who get married but continue to live as if they were bachelors, spending time with male friends or being constantly busy with activities (even Christian ones) while leaving their wives alone. He states that "it is a terrible thing that a man should get married and then proceed to neglect his wife." He specifically mentions "evangelical widows" whose husbands are constantly busy with Christian work but neglect their marital responsibilities.
How does Dr. Lloyd-Jones view social invitations that exclude spouses?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones believes that a Christian man should not accept social invitations that don't include his wife. He states: "I venture to lay down that a christian man should not accept an invitation on a social occasion without his wife." He views this as a denial of the principle that husband and wife are one. He even mentions that he "automatically refused" an invitation from an evangelical organization that was addressed only to him and not to his wife.
The Book of Ephesians
Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones (1899-1981) was a Welsh evangelical minister who preached and taught in the Reformed tradition. His principal ministry was at Westminster Chapel, in central London, from 1939-1968, where he delivered multi-year expositions on books of the bible such as Romans, Ephesians and the Gospel of John. In addition to the MLJ Trust’s collection of 1,600 of these sermons in audio format, most of these great sermon series are available in book form (including a 14 volume collection of the Romans sermons), as are other series such as "Spiritual Depression", "Studies in the Sermon on the Mount" and "Great Biblical Doctrines". He is considered by many evangelical leaders today to be an authority on biblical truth and the sufficiency of Scripture.