True Love
A Sermon on True Love from Ephesians 5:25-33
Originally preached Feb. 14, 1960
Scripture
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or …
Sermon Description
The Bible tells that in marriage the wife is to submit to the loving and caring leadership of the husband, just as Christ himself submits to God the Father. Additionally, husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. In this sermon on true love from Ephesians 5:25–33, Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones exhorts that every Christian marriage is to be marked by this love and service. It is not to be an oppressive and cruel union, but in all things it is to reflect Christ’s love. It is also to be marked by real communion and fellowship between husband and wife. Dr. Lloyd-Jones says this to confront the error that says that all sexual and physical pleasure in marriage is either wrong or not important. The Christian marriage is one that involves many forms of love, including physical love. This is in stark contrast to those who teach celibacy and abstention from sexual pleasure as a higher life than that of the married. This kind of thinking misses the biblical teaching that marriage is good and created by God for His glorification and human enjoyment. It is God who made marriage as a representation of the great relationship between Christ Jesus and the church.
Sermon Breakdown
- The apostle Paul instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
- The word 'love' used here refers to agape love - the highest form of love, God's love. It is self-sacrificing and unconditional.
- There are three types of love: eros (physical/selfish), philia (friendship/fondness), and agape (God's love). The love between spouses should include all three but be centered on agape.
- A husband's leadership should be one of love, not tyranny. Power should be balanced with love and discipline.
- Christ's love for the church is the model for a husband's love for his wife. Christ loved the church in spite of her imperfections and gave himself up for her.
- Christ's ultimate goal is to present the church as glorious, without blemish. This shows his pride and interest in the church.
- The relationship between Christ and the church is the model for the relationship between husband and wife.
- We must first understand Christ's love for the church before we can understand the husband's love for his wife.
- Christ's love for the church is self-sacrificing, not self-centered. It is focused on giving, not getting. Husbands should love their wives this way.
- Though marriage is common, if done God's way it reflects profound Christian truths.
Sermon Q&A
What Does Paul Mean When He Says "Husbands Love Your Wives" in Ephesians 5:25?
Based on Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' sermon on Ephesians 5:25-33, here are key questions and answers about this important biblical teaching on Christian marriage.
What is the primary command to husbands in Ephesians 5:25?
According to Dr. Lloyd-Jones, the primary command is "Husbands, love your wives." This is the controlling idea for husbands, just as submission is the controlling idea for wives. Lloyd-Jones explains that the apostle Paul picks out "the chief characteristic, the chief contribution that is to be made by each of the partners in this wonderful relationship which can display the glory of the Christian life so marvelously."
What type of love is Paul referring to in this passage?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones explains that Paul uses the Greek word "agape" - the highest form of love in the Bible. He distinguishes between three Greek words for love: 1. Eros - fleshly, physical desire (often selfish) 2. Phileo - being fond of someone, companionship 3. Agape - selfless, giving love (the same word used to describe God's love)
The apostle is commanding husbands to love with this highest form of love - the kind that "is not so much governed by desire and to have as to give."
How does Christ's love for the Church illustrate a husband's love for his wife?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones points out that Christ's love for the Church has these characteristics: - He loved her "in spite of her unworthiness" and deficiencies - "He gave himself for her" - making the ultimate sacrifice - He has great concern for her wellbeing and sanctification - He desires her to be perfect and glorious - He takes pride in her and wants to present her without spot or wrinkle
This is the pattern husbands are to follow in loving their wives.
How does this teaching on love prevent the abuse of a husband's authority?
Lloyd-Jones explains that the command to love safeguards against misusing the husband's headship: "You are the head, you are the leader. You are, as it were, the Lord in this relationship. Yes, but because you love your wives, the leadership will never become a tyranny. And though you are a Lord, you will never become a tyrant." He adds that "power is to be tempered by love. It's to be controlled by love. It is the power of love."
What was Lloyd-Jones' criticism of the Victorian approach to marriage?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones noted that "perhaps the greatest defect in the whole Victorian outlook upon life and even its Christianity" was that "they emphasize one side at the expense of the other." Their emphasis on male authority without balancing it with love created many problems. He warned that "many of our problems today are due to a reaction, a violent overreaction against that false emphasis of that particular period."
How is Christian marriage different from non-Christian marriage?
Lloyd-Jones teaches that while non-Christians can have happy marriages based on physical attraction and fondness for one another, only Christians can rise to the highest level of love (agape). He explains: "That's the difference that Christ makes to marriage. It is only the Christian who is able to rise to this level." Christian marriage is distinguished by this self-sacrificial love that reflects Christ's love for the Church.
How does doctrine relate to the practice of Christian marriage?
Dr. Lloyd-Jones strongly emphasizes that understanding doctrine is essential for proper Christian practice in marriage: "You can't be practical without doctrine. You can't love your wife unless you understand something about this doctrine, about this great mystery." He criticizes those who dismiss doctrine as impractical, stating that "to reject doctrine is a terrible sin. You mustn't put practice against doctrine. You can't practice without it."
The Book of Ephesians
Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones (1899-1981) was a Welsh evangelical minister who preached and taught in the Reformed tradition. His principal ministry was at Westminster Chapel, in central London, from 1939-1968, where he delivered multi-year expositions on books of the bible such as Romans, Ephesians and the Gospel of John. In addition to the MLJ Trust’s collection of 1,600 of these sermons in audio format, most of these great sermon series are available in book form (including a 14 volume collection of the Romans sermons), as are other series such as "Spiritual Depression", "Studies in the Sermon on the Mount" and "Great Biblical Doctrines". He is considered by many evangelical leaders today to be an authority on biblical truth and the sufficiency of Scripture.